2 + 1 = Change

I know everyone has had those points in their journeys, whether it is weight loss, work, or training for a marathon, where you feel like every time you take 2 steps forward, you take 1 step back.  How do you get through those?  I could say something pretty that everyone says like: "You can do it!" or "Mind over matter!".  But in the end, there are only 2 ways you get through those times.  You can either give up (which has happened to me many times) or you just keep trying, until it doesn't feel like that anymore, and it gets easier again.

Giving up is easier, for sure.  But that is never going to get you to where you want to be--without some serious plastic surgery, which we know I am not opposed to.  :)  I have given up on weight loss over and over again.  When it gets hard, then I have to think about it too much, and I give up.  The funny part of that is my husband has told me before that I am so stubborn that I won't give up when he would have long before.  (He is referring to not one but several races where I have refused to quit, despite injuring myself, hence injuring myself more...that is a blog for another day.)

Staying the course is harder, for so many reasons.  First, you have to believe in yourself in order to stay the course.  You have to believe you can do it, and in order to do that, you have to make the effort to do that.  Not just say "yes, I can do that", but "YES, I CAN DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!" Second, you have to keep yourself number one on the journey.  This is often challenging, especially for women.  This does not mean, ignore the kids and the pets, don't do the dishes, forget about going to work.  It just means, don't take yourself to the bottom of your list.  If you take care of yourself, and your health first, then it makes all the other things so much easier to do.  If you lose 10 pounds, because you focused on  yourself, will it make it easier to play softball with the kids, to take the dog for a walk, do the dishes AND vaccuum, and stay productive at work?  Yes, and it is perpetuating.  As you feel better, you want to do better, and do more, etc.

By staying the course, you are providing continuing motivation to yourself, even during the downtimes.

Now, the last couple of weeks, I have really felt the 2 steps forward, 1 step back.  I do well, I am trying to motivate others....then I feel like I need to grab a tub of ice cream (fortunately none has come home in months--so I have to find a different alternative) hide in my bedroom and watch about 4 hours of General Hospital with the cat on my lap (as long as she doesn't try to touch my ice cream!).  Staying the course has been difficult, challenging, and at times, impossible.  But as I always say "It's the journey, not the destination".  (In this case, I would love to at least see the destination...but I digress.)  I will continue to stay the course.  Why?  Because I know people are watching me.  Not in a bad way...but I feel like people may be thinking "if she can do it, I can do it."  And honestly, that is SO TRUE!!!! 

I have failed at losing weight so many times...and I might fail again...but dang it, I am going to keep trying, even if it means I should have quit a long time ago.  There will be one time, where I will finally cross that finish line, hopefully uninjured!  And then it will be true, 2+1=Change.

191.4 Down 20.0 since 3/19/12

**On another note, I saw this recipe, and thought it looked yummy, so I threw it in here.  Ignore or not, but I might try it and will let you know.

Beauty Lies in Strength: Sweet potato protein pancakes: A girl can only eat so many oats.  I've made a million different versions of oattie pancakes (basically egg whites & oats blended together) ...

Change is good, right?

A dear work friend recently told me that she would be leaving the company in order to be able to stay home with her kids, and do daycare.  As happy as I am for her, being able to follow her dream, I am sad to not be able to see her smiling face every day.  This will be a huge change in her life, one she has struggled with getting to. 

But change is good, right?

I recently encouraged a friend of mine to join me on this weight loss journey, because she has expressed a need to do something to lose some weight.  When we discussed it, she didn’t think she would be able to follow the program that I am on, because she didn’t think she would be able to succeed at it.  As we discussed it, I told her I was in the same place she was when I decided I had to do something or I would just continue on the same path I had been on, and then I really wouldn’t succeed.  She is still scared of failing (I know she won’t!) but is beginning the journey, despite all her fears.

But change is good, right?

This past week or so, I have seemed to get a few more compliments on my weight loss than I am comfortable with (and really, I always have a hard time with compliments, so more than 1 is difficult.).  I have been working on this for me, for my health, to be able to physically do more and enjoy it all.  The compliments are good, and they feel nice, they just stress me out a little….I mean, really, part of the reason people stay overweight is because it is easier to deal with than losing weight, right?  You don’t have to be the center of attention (coming from a fitness instructor!!!!), and sometimes no one notices you.  The pants that no longer fit, that is hard to deal with, as well (a good problem to have).

But change is good, right?

Yes, it actually is.  I worked for a horrific boss for about 3 years (now I have a great one!) who, for all her negative qualities, taught me one thing that I will keep with me forever.  CHANGE IS GOOD!  Change is challenging, sometimes almost insurmountable, but it is definitely good.

Sometimes the smallest change, can lead to the biggest thing in your life.  For example, years ago, I had two car accidents in three weeks.  Nothing big, but I was injured enough that a doctor said “you will never be able to be a nurse.  You will never be able to lift the patients or be on your feet for that long.”  My question then, “now what?”  I was in college with a major in nursing, I was on the waiting list for the nursing program.  I had to do a complete 180, and changed my major to Accounting.  Two small sentences from a doctor that changed my life.  When I moved to the Midwest, I got an accounting job which led to me meeting my future husband, leading me to end up at the YMCA working out to lose weight for my wedding, leading me to become a group exercise instructor, etc, etc…

So the question is: Why do we fear change?  We don’t fear change, we fear the unknown.  We fear doing something that we have never done before that may not work out like we had hoped.  We fear failing. 

And honestly, as I began this weight loss journey AGAIN, I feared failing, and said that exact thing to my coach.  “I don’t want to fail at this again.”  Just like I always have.  But is that really how we should be looking at it?  Or should we be saying “If I don’t do this, I cannot fail, but I also cannot change unless I move forward”.  And CHANGE IS GOOD!!!!

Current weight.  191.8 lbs.  Down 19.6 since 3/19/12.

That change is VERY GOOD!!!!

Internal versus External Motivation

So much about motivation can be internal.  Think about those lazy Sundays when you just don't want to get out of bed, pajamas seem to be the clothing of the day, and your heart isn't into doing much more than grabbing the remote and a bag of chips and settling in.  There is a song by Bruno Mars that describes that day to a T, called (of course!) "The Lazy Song"....I love it!!!!  Often, you find the motivation to get out of bed, shower, dress, maybe workout and have oatmeal instead. That is all about your internal motivation.

However, sometimes internal motivation isn't enough.  Sometimes you need the power of a team around you reminding you that you can do this...you can finish this day, you can finish your workout, you can lose the weight you never thought you could.

That is what has taken me this far.  The team of people around me who have been so supportive.  I mostly keep quiet about wanting to lose weight...I mean, really, who doesn't want to lose a few pounds here or there?  But I have never been successful at it for long.  I have tried this diet, that "plan", and somehow I have always failed. So, I don't talk about it....if no one knows you started something...then when you fail, no one knows you failed, right?  And if I failed, much of that is due to lack of discipline on my part.  That lack of discipline was in my own mind, not being motivated.  I mean, in the end, sometimes internal motivation is just not enough.  We fall into old habits, get lazy, then the next day it repeats, because....well, you get the picture.

Sometimes with outside motivation, you can do more than you thought.  A group can always do more than one person alone.  I am thankful for the positive people around me during this journey.  So many good people who are motivating me beyond what my internal motivation would take me to.  They have said such wonderful things, and pushed me to stay on course, when I have wanted to deviate.  I have come so far, and yet feel like I have so far to go.  But it is easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel, if the lights that surround you guide you there.....so thank you to those people....

I continue to push forward, but am already seeing so much progress...I have had to ask for people's pants (well, their old pants...because mine are fitting more like clown pants) and I am wearing holes into my belts because I have to cinch them so tight.  A good problem to have.  I wore my first pair of size 12 pants the other day.  Not my first pair in a really long time, my first pair EVER.  You see as a teenager, I basically went from the kids "husky" sizes right into a size 14.  There was no stop in between.  And for my entire life, I have always wanted to wear a size 12.  I have always wanted to go purchase a size 12 off the rack.  It was always a dream.  I would go into a store, walk past that section and say "I really wish I could wear a size 12 so I can buy it right off that rack".

Now comes the funny part...I wore them the other day, and it was exciting...but I am already thinking "well, if I can do this...why can't I wear a size 10?".  And that, my friends is my INTERNAL motivation.

**A special thank you to my dear friend Ann, who when I called her at 930 on a Friday night, practically crying because I not only was able to put on the size 12 pants and jeans, but could button them without doing the "lay down on the bed, hold the breath and zip thing" was more excited for me than I was.**

Last check...down 23 pounds.  (Official numbers on Monday, I promise!)

Turns out we do all need motivation

Well, as I logged in today, I noticed the "last post January 26th, 2012"...eight days post appendectomy. At that time I thought I was filled with motivation...turns out that was not to be the case. I was happy to have survived emergency surgery, and feeling good about beginning to workout again. However, I didn't know what was ahead of me mentally and emotionally!

We all have things that identify us, with other people, as well as within ourselves. Those things can be wife, mother, Christian, worker, reader, etc. For me, what identifies so much of me is "Group Fitness Instructor" and having that taken away so abruptly and so completely plunged me into a deep dark fog that I have only begun to come out of the last month or so. What a challenge! It reminded me of a deep year long depression from my much younger days. Fortunately, I have been able to work my way out of it, with both my faith and my return to teaching.

I feel like I didn't smile at all during the month of February, and the first half of March. I needed the motivation that I was trying so hard to bring to others. Isn't that the way life goes? Things go well, then sometimes God says "time to put an obstacle in your path and see what you can do to go around it." The motivation came slowly, but it came....I found my way around that obstacle.

In mid-March, as I found my way out of my funk, I hit the weight loss motivation hard. After all, that is what I was hoping to do from the start, right? Find a path to a healthier happier place, and try to motivate others to come along with me. Well, I hit it hard, and less than a month later, I am down close 15 pounds!!! Last check was 197.0 pounds. And that is a number I haven't seen in about 8--EIGHT--years. Now, that is motivating!

January Motivation

Usually January is a great month to get motivated, right? We hear all the ads for losing weight this way, or joining that gym, etc. And for us gym rats, we know that to be true...when we get to our preferred place to work out, and find that parking is at a minimum, and our normal location in our favorite class is taken by a "newbie".

January for me this year has been very de-motivating. Keeping a positive attitude has been extraordinarily difficult, but I am persevering (I hope!). One week after my emergency root canal, a nagging side stitch turned into appendicitis, with surgery just hours after diagnosis. Now, no core work or lifting more than 15 pounds for 6 weeks, though I can start doing low cardio this week. But for someone who's very existence can be based around when I get to teach next, I am finding a struggle to be motivated. I am missing my friends, missing the endorphins, missing the healthy feeling, while I am forced to let my body heal. A very different feeling than when I have had planned surgeries. I was mentally prepared (or so I thought) for the time off...not so this time.

So, to find my motivation, I need to look inward. I need to find that push inside to attain my goal. (I can count having my appendix taken out as weight loss, right? :-) I need to eat differently than I even had been when I was working out. Certainly less, but also a different approach, as well. My motivation has to be to continue my Weight Watchers work from the perspective of a normal everyday WW member position. Many of those people haven't been active in years, and taking on the food portion is their challenge, with the hope of becoming active at a later date. My choice now has to be to take their view, and just worry about food, and become active at a later date.

Sounds easy! It's not, sadly. But my motivation will be to get myself healthy and strong for when I can fully workout again, seeing my members happy faces, and to do that means I have to eat well and still take off the pounds. (With January being so crazy, I have not even weighed in since December, so I have no idea where I am at!)

But more than anything, my motivation is my supporters, my friends, my family. Everyone who has been so fantastic through all this, helping out with whatever I need! My heart is full, and I am truly humbled at the responses from everyone.

And in the end...it is just a few weeks, I will persevere and look back at myself and laugh (as I have many a time) at my dramatic take on it. I mean, really? Yes, Denise, you will live! And be better for it....besides, as my surgical paperwork said "The appendix is a useless organ"....so my body said get rid of it! DONE!

Stop what you are doing right NOW!!!!

Well, the holidays are over, and things are starting to get back to normal. Everyone is heading to the gym with their New Years resolutions, and doing their best to eat better. We begin to find our way back to the normal life that happens for 10 1/2 months a year, before the world turns upside down for the holidays. And then....

Something happens to make you "stop what you are doing right now". I had this experience this week. A whirlwind, you might say. Started with taking my sister to the airport to send her to Guatemala for a week...that was the easy part. Then waking up Tuesday to find my father in the hospital (he's doing better now!), then going to what I thought would be a routine dental appointment, and having it turned into an emergency root canal with a specialist. What a good reminder!

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff, running to do this thing, taking the kids to their activities, doing things for everyone else. Sometimes, your body stops and says "Stop what you are doing right now!", and gives you no option but to drop whatever you are doing and deal with whatever is going on with it. In this case, my tooth decided that it was time for me to stop, and would not take no for an answer. Extreme pain will do that to you, along with the flu, or perhaps some other random accident.

These are good times to stop and say to yourself, and your body, "I hear you, and thank you for the reminder". The reminder being that we must always take care of ourselves before we can take care of anyone else. If we don't, that reminder will slam us in the forehead.

What does that mean for my motivation and your motivation? It means that we must learn to say no sometimes. It means that we need to get the exercise our body needs to not only stay healthy, but relieve stress. And it means we need to fuel our body with the right things. I have been eating without thinking about all the things I should or should not eat the last few days as I try to recover from this. But as my brain has cleared, I am renewed. My breakfast of two eggs, peanut butter on half a sandwich thin and milk will help my body to recover, and continue on my chosen path.

So, what are you motivated to do? Take a moment to remind yourself of your goals for this year (not a big fan of "resolutions", because very few are ever kept past the first week), and restart today. Every day is a new beginning. How will you begin today?

**Oh...and weight lost update next week. Weight watchers was closed on my normal meeting day during the holidays, so couldn't make it. Good news ahead, right? :-)