So much about motivation can be internal. Think about those lazy Sundays when you just don't want to get out of bed, pajamas seem to be the clothing of the day, and your heart isn't into doing much more than grabbing the remote and a bag of chips and settling in. There is a song by Bruno Mars that describes that day to a T, called (of course!) "The Lazy Song"....I love it!!!! Often, you find the motivation to get out of bed, shower, dress, maybe workout and have oatmeal instead. That is all about your internal motivation.
However, sometimes internal motivation isn't enough. Sometimes you need the power of a team around you reminding you that you can do this...you can finish this day, you can finish your workout, you can lose the weight you never thought you could.
That is what has taken me this far. The team of people around me who have been so supportive. I mostly keep quiet about wanting to lose weight...I mean, really, who doesn't want to lose a few pounds here or there? But I have never been successful at it for long. I have tried this diet, that "plan", and somehow I have always failed. So, I don't talk about it....if no one knows you started something...then when you fail, no one knows you failed, right? And if I failed, much of that is due to lack of discipline on my part. That lack of discipline was in my own mind, not being motivated. I mean, in the end, sometimes internal motivation is just not enough. We fall into old habits, get lazy, then the next day it repeats, because....well, you get the picture.
Sometimes with outside motivation, you can do more than you thought. A group can always do more than one person alone. I am thankful for the positive people around me during this journey. So many good people who are motivating me beyond what my internal motivation would take me to. They have said such wonderful things, and pushed me to stay on course, when I have wanted to deviate. I have come so far, and yet feel like I have so far to go. But it is easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel, if the lights that surround you guide you there.....so thank you to those people....
I continue to push forward, but am already seeing so much progress...I have had to ask for people's pants (well, their old pants...because mine are fitting more like clown pants) and I am wearing holes into my belts because I have to cinch them so tight. A good problem to have. I wore my first pair of size 12 pants the other day. Not my first pair in a really long time, my first pair EVER. You see as a teenager, I basically went from the kids "husky" sizes right into a size 14. There was no stop in between. And for my entire life, I have always wanted to wear a size 12. I have always wanted to go purchase a size 12 off the rack. It was always a dream. I would go into a store, walk past that section and say "I really wish I could wear a size 12 so I can buy it right off that rack".
Now comes the funny part...I wore them the other day, and it was exciting...but I am already thinking "well, if I can do this...why can't I wear a size 10?". And that, my friends is my INTERNAL motivation.
**A special thank you to my dear friend Ann, who when I called her at 930 on a Friday night, practically crying because I not only was able to put on the size 12 pants and jeans, but could button them without doing the "lay down on the bed, hold the breath and zip thing" was more excited for me than I was.**
Last check...down 23 pounds. (Official numbers on Monday, I promise!)
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